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Material World

Carl Puttnam (Cud)


Where are you A110 what are the vibes like?

20.000 feet over Valencia in a 737 and it's turbulent

When will you be famous?

Nine O'clock

Fave authors

Joris Karl Huysmanns, Ian Fleming, Bruce Chatwin, Andre Gide, James Thurber

Top countries in the world

Valusla Scotland The Shetlands, Egypt, Patagonia

What do Cud think of the Manics?

Ahead of thier bloody time, boyo

Funniest people alive

We are all hilarious

Why is Billy Bragg so bloody brilliant?

Alliteration. tea bag and Short hair

Stupidest thing you've ever worn

A green condom. In fact, most of the condoms I wore while gainfully employed as a condom tester.

Best Cud groupie story

The vicar and the donkeybackstage at Northampton Roadmenders

Who will play you in the Cud movie?

A young Michael Caine (Carl), Danny De Vito (Mike), Charles Hawtrey (William), Jon Pertwee (Steve)

Crap TV

Caught In The Act or anything where people find falling down amusing. It isn't.

Fave Harry Enfield characters

The Gants Hill Taxi Driver or the nameless Ilford girl. Serious works of genius.

What's in your pocket?

59,000 pesetas, 21, loose beads, Jim Dunlop plectrum, fags. matches. microscope, snotty hanky, plane, train, hole and a cock.

Phrases of the week

"Eso Es Carnival", "Ignore the Hobbit, Geezer"

What would you do for publicity?

Show up.

Who should 8e censored?

Anyone who disagrees

Best bits of Leeds

The hairy bits

Worst gig?

Essex Uni. Waiting four hours in a freezing cold lecture theatre, queuing in a busy bar for microwaved pizzas, then having the rider stolen.

What material world question would you ask?

'Is It bloody worth it? I ask you? Why don't you quit now?'

Punchline to fave joke

"Erm... Mornington Crescent!"

Dream CUD promo items

Strap on ginger hairy bellies

Carl's first, second and third solo albums in advance

1) 'Capricorn On The Cob'
2) 'Aquarius'
3) 'Super Pipe'

If we gave you a cool million quid, what would you buy?

It's not enough for a squadron of tanks but it'd sort out my ears.

Best thing since sliced bread

The tea bag

Best thing before

Loose tealeaf

Who wears the trousers in Cud?

The Geordie Hitler

Fave rappers

Chuck 0, Q Tip, Betty Boo. Tunnock's Waters

Key films in your life

Key Largo, Possession. Love In A Hollow Tree, French production of Robinson Crusoe avec Michael York and Leroy from fame.

Fave forms of transport

Train, bicycle

Your message to the kids

"Just say no . . . help!"

Sexiest thing you've done this week

Wash the back of my neck while a friend gently inserted her finger in my anus.

How will you subvert TOTP

Insist on miming

Is there a god?

No, but she'd be handy

PIC: Peter Walsh